Sunday, November 6, 2011
Should I get help or try to fix this?
I have a social anxiety disorder. It's been getting worse over the past 1 1/2 years. I've always been a bit nervous around people and a little shy. But lately, it has become a problem. I'm a college student and for the last 3 semesters, in lecture/discussion cles, whenever cl discussion begins, I become incredibly nervous. My stomach twists into knots. I begin to tremble slightly. My heart pounds. But I usually have so much to say. Sometimes I raise my hand anyway, but I found that when I do start speaking, my breath becomes tight and I talk too fast as to get it over with. Then I start doing everything possible to make it look as if I am NOT choking and sinking as I feel that I am inside. It becomes a battle to keep from having a panic attack before Im finished saying my piece- which is usually not as eloquent as I had planned. After that- which usually happens on the first day of cl- I usually refrain from ever answering a question again-afraid that I will actually have a panic attack next time. When I talk to people one on one even, for more than 3 minutes, I start to get nervous. This varies. Sometimes, Im fine talking. Other times, I start to focus on the way I appear to that person and I become very nervous. I suppose this is a social anxiety disorder. I just started a new semester in school and the same thing happened on the first day as usual. But this time, I want to continue to participate more every cl period instead of keeping my mouth shut in fear. That feels like surrender. I'm hoping that if I keep answering questions, giving my input and putting myself through that panic every cl period, I'll get over it eventually. But I know that it could also have an adverse effect and I might actually have a panic attack or have to stop and leave the room... Im not sure if I'm willing to risk that. But I don't want to be quiet. I have so much to say and I can be very articulate. I was on the speech team and the drama club in high school and I did very well. I don't know if I can take life being mute all of the time. Can you give me any suggestions at all to calm myself? From the moment I step into a clroom... or an event with lots of people... anywhere where I have to speak in front of large amounts of people (no matter if it is a formal speech or just me telling them my name, it happens. And then if I do attempt to speak, I feel as if Ill choke any moment. Any advice at all? Im hoping to fight this on my own. I don't have a job, nor money for a psychiatrist. I'm very scared for my future. I want to be successful and I know that will never happen unless I jump this hurdle. Thank you.
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